i'm scared

a 7 sin table in Tehran

it'll be Norooz (Persian new year) in less than a week and i haven't done anything yet :( i mean i haven't bought ANY clothing, haven't set 7sin (Persian traditional table setting includes seven specific items startting with the letter "s" ), done deep cleaning up,... i donno whats gotten into me but maybe its because i had my ovarian cyst removed last week and i'm still not in a good mood! i also haven't finished my thesis yet. i think i literally haven't done anything this year. i'm a lil bit freaked out. i know i've wasted a whole year this time, haven't finished even a single task. maybe i've tried to handle many things at a time, maybe i haven''t worked and tried hard as i should have, maybe it's because of this cursed feeling that is always with me, the feeling that i may fail in the end!  it can have lots of reasons. now what really bothers me is that i dont want to  repeat all these failures again and again. i want to be a new person. i want to show my self the new version of myself who is a go-getter , who achieves whatever she wants, and ends whatever she starts. i wanna be that person. i'm determined this time. i can do it. i mean i really want to do it from the bottom of my heart, i just need to ask for God's help. with his being by me i'm sure i can do anything...